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Quicker and easier than falling asleep.

get-in-my-tardis:

Misha: Matt Smith is very slender, he’s thin, and he’s an excellent actor. I happen to know that he also has an enormous penis

Fan: [Shouts] How do you know that?!

[AWKWARD PAUSE]

Misha: I’m not going to tell you. It’s an industry secret. Who’s your favourite Doctor?

Fan: Matt

Misha: Because of the…? [points to groin area] [x]

daeneryes:

• The L’Oreal brothers
• Male Katniss
• The green special snowflake who’s always pissed off
• Captain ”my skintight suit will make you feel uncomfortable”
• Billionaire Playboy Philanthropist
• The chick who got added in to make everything look less gay
• Robin
• HE SHOULDN’T HAVE DIED
• The Angry Pirate

should be at bamboozle right now

You and I were best friends. We travelled together. We had adventures.

aragogs:

“Harry, suffering like this proves you are still a man! This pain is a part of being human—-“
“THEN—I—DON’T—WANT—TO—BE—HUMAN!”

so after i saw the avengers

• these two girls, no older than eight, were standing outside the theatre with their parents, and i overheard their conversation.
• girl 1: so which guy was the cutest?
• girl 2: loki! duh!
• girl 1: uh no it was hulk
• girl 2: YOU WEIRDO!
• girl 1: you're the weirdo!
• their dad: actually, you're both weirdos, captain america was the cutest

ukeofspook:

how to kiss

1. put your mouth on their mouth
2. start screaming into their mouth until you pass out

(x)

Dwight: We’re gonna need a signal to bolt out of there in case there is danger, and that signal is lick your lips, try it. 

shavingryansprivates:

if i was famous i’d just tour around the country without telling anyone and go to random college campuses late at night, and i’d wait until i saw one person walking by themselves and i’d walk behind them and put my hands over their eyes and say guess who and when they turned around it’d be me and they’d be like omg and then i’d say “no one will ever believe you” and i’d just sprint off into the moonlight